A Little Bit of Heaven, A Little Bit of Hell
by YourLastFirstLove
Summary: Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned. How far will someone be pushed before fighting back. A journey of self discovery, acceptance, forgiveness, and love.
1. Prelude

Bitch. Harpy. Sam Hater. Emily Despiser. Barren. Wolf. Female Wolf. Imprintless. Imprint Hater. Heartless. Quilette. Daughter. Sister.

I've heard it all, the names that I am called. But for once I wish people would remember the most important name.

My name is Leah Clearwater.

And this is my story.


	2. Chapter 1

It had been a month since the battle that never was occurred, the Volturi deeming that Reneesme was not dangerous. However, we all knew they would be back. The blatant disrespect of their power was not something they would willingly swallow. They would be back that we knew just when that would be was the major question. But now during this peace period I needed to escape, to find myself and to love myself again.

Knowing Jacob would be at the Cullens I took off there to speak with my alpha about my upcoming departure. Knocking on the door because despite Jacob and Seth's acceptance of the leeches I still recognized them for what they were: bloodsuckers, ticks waiting to gorge on their next victim and I wouldn't step one foot inside their humble abode. Luckily it was Esme who answered the door, one of the few vampires I could never be rude to. Perhaps it was the whole motherly vibe she gave off.

"Good morning Leah. How can I help you?" She voiced with her extremely feminine tone.

"I was hoping I could speak to Jacob. Could you send him out here please?"

"You are more than welcome to come in." Piercing me with her unnatural golden eyes.

"No thank you I must speak with him in private."

Not pushing the issue, she quickly turned around and before I knew it Jacob was standing before me. Signaling I wanted him to follow me into the forest we started our trek away from listening ears. Gathering the courage I needed to say what I wanted to say I paused and turned to Jacob once we were a good way away from the Cullens home.

"You're leaving aren't you?" Jacob stated beating me to the punch.

"How did you know?"

Simply shrugging "I just did maybe its an alpha thing. I felt your restlessness, your wolf urging you out of this place for some reason. Are you going to come back?" He looked at me, looking so much older than his years.

"Honestly I don't know. This place has been my home for over 20 years but right now for whatever reason I need to leave. Yes before you ask part of it is because of Sam and Emily but the more important reason being I want to heal. I want to find myself before it was me and Sam."

"You'll keep in touch right?"

"As much as I am able to where ever I end up."

"Okay Leah be safe and good luck." With a quick hug and a kiss on the forehead, Jacob turned around. It was times like these I missed Jake, the pre-imprint Jake. The one that wasn't a slave to an imprint but I knew that Jake was dead and gone and he was never coming back. He left heading back to his imprint and in turn I headed home. All right one down and to think Jacob would be the easy one. Now I had to deal with Seth and my mom. Wonderful.

Telling my mom and Seth was actually not that hard, both knew eventually I would do this. With all the hurt I was experiencing neither one wanted to be another reason to hate La Push, thus with their blessing I was granted their permission to leave on my journey of self discovery. Figuring there was a never a better time than now I began packing my small backpack with money, some change of clothes and toiletries. Nothing too heavy, since I did plan on traveling as a wolf and I needed to be able to carry my backpack with my mouth.

When the last of my things were packed I headed downstairs. My goodbyes were already done, Seth and mom had left to go visit Billy while I finished packing. I think being away would be easier then saying goodbye when I truly departed and I could not begrudge them that. However, my plans appeared to have been thwarted for a small bit with a light knock on the door. Imagine my surprise when Emily appeared on the other side, knowing how I felt she often went extremely out of her way to avoid me.

"Hello Leah."

"Emily."

"Your mom told me you were leaving." Damn you mom! I love her but she really needs to let things be and realize some things are not fixable. "I was hoping I could talk to you." She simply said before walking to the house and sitting down at the kitchen table.

"Leah, you're not running away from us are you? From the wedding right? We can fix this Lee, we can. Let's just try." She stated getting straight to point, which I hated and yet was grateful for.

"Emily, you don't think I've tried to fix us. But I can't because despite everything, I am still angry at you."

"Leah please. It's been years, tell me how to fix this. I want things to be normal between us."

"NORMAL? Emily nothing in any one of our lives is normal and you know it." I snapped. "Emily there is nothing to talk about. I'm leaving."

"No! Damn it Leah I don't get it. Help me understand. This isn't just about Sam, why are you so angry?"

"You're right Emily you don't get it. Till this day you really do think this is about Sam despite what you just said. You think I'm still in love with _your_ Sam. I'm not! This has nothing to do with Sam." I yelled. "You want to know why am I so angry? Because when my dad died I needed my sister there to comfort me. I needed her to tell me it would be okay, that everything at the end of the day would be okay because we had each other. But no, she couldn't because she betrayed me, **you** betrayed me, because you took my heart and crushed it, because I couldn't trust you. You picked a guy over me, and not just some random guy we both were checking out at the mall but the guy I was in love with. You should've fought harder for me Emily, if you loved me at all you would've fought for me. But you didn't! You know what the worse part is, deep down you aren't really sorry. Even if you knew how things would turn out between me and you, you still would've picked Sam over me. You would've still done things exactly the same. I trusted you Emily, I told you everything. Everything! I guess all those years we spent growing up meant nothing to you huh? Because if it did you wouldn't have done what you did."

"It was fate, destiny. I couldn't fight it."

"Fate? Destiny? That is such a cop out and you know. Own up to it already! Just own up to the fact that you betrayed me in the most deepest and darkest way possible. Maybe if you did that, had done that from the start, admitted that you had made a mistake I wouldn't be so angry. But no till this day all you blame is fate, never accepting any of the responsibility. "

"I'm sorry."

"Well I'm sorry Emily but your sorrys don't mean anything to me anymore. I'll tell you this one last time, things between us will never be the same. The sooner you realize that the better. Now move."

"No, we're not done here." She yelled running up and blocking the door. "No. You said what you wanted to say now it's my turn. Despite what you think I am sorry for what happened. Don't you think I wanted to be there for you when your dad died? You don't think I didn't want to take you into a hug and let you cry your eyes out? But you didn't want me to, I could see it in your eyes. Every time I took one step towards you, you would literally take one step away. Leah please…"

I couldn't take it anymore. I needed to get out of here. Pushing Emily out the way with my bag in hand I ignored her pleas for me to stop and headed towards the border phasing once I got there, beginning my journey. There was no going back, I would not return the same bitter Leah. I would heal, I would learn to love myself, and hopefully learn to forgive myself for all the chaos and hurt I have created intentional and unintentional. Perhaps one day if I learn to forgive myself then perhaps the many people I have hurt in La Push will forgive me as well. Only time will tell.


	3. Chapter 2

I officially did not know where I was. I know I had left Washington and had entered Oregon and I was close to the beach but other than that I knew nothing. I've been traveling for over 2 weeks now, phasing only to eat the first 3 days but I was so filthy right now I decided against it. But I hated eating raw meat it's disgusting. I don't know how much longer of this whole dealing with the wilderness I could handle. Despite my recent eating habits, I was happy to be here, away from everything I knew. I felt free and lighter every step I took away from La Push. In the middle of my daydreaming I head a child shrieking in the distance.

With no second thought I took off running in the direction of the scream. Seconds later I came across a little boy being hunted by none other than a vampire. The lone vampire from what I could smell had herded him to a cliff where he had no chance of escaping although he never really did. I focused extremely hard trying not to make any sudden movements or noises to alert either of them to my presence. I was five feet away from them behind a tree when I charged. I attacked, grabbing a hold of the vampire's arm. The shriek that the vamp let out was piercing but I held on ripping off his right arm. He spun around with vengeance in his eyes, which widened when he finally saw me.

"My, my what do we have here?" A sickeningly high-pitched voice said calmly. "What are you exactly? You can't be a werewolf seeing that it is the afternoon but you are by no means a regular wolf. I smell your human aspect but the disgusting smell of dog is overwhelming. Oh well, I still have to kill you seeing as you ripped off my arm." He calmly stated before springing towards me.

I swerved and grabbed ahold of his leg tearing into it fiercely. Another shriek erupted from his mouth. He tore himself away from me and attacked again, quicker than last time he hit my side with the hand he still had breaking at least three of my ribs. The pain was excruciating, I could barely breathe but I knew if I gave up now it would be the demise of the boy and myself. Lying down, whimpering I saw the vamp circling me, teasing me then he stomped on my front leg breaking it in half. I howled in pain, I couldn't take it anymore. Any more injuries and I would be done for. Once again he began circling me, savoring the pain he was causing. He thought I was so severely injured I wouldn't put up any more of a fight, I closed my eyes and whimpered. I heard him bend down, this was my one and only chance to turn the tables. Smelling his sickeningly sweet smell even closer than before I opened my eyes, launching myself at his neck. One bite and it was done, I beheaded the monster. Panting I tried to calm myself down, breathing fast was killing me, my ribs were throbbing and it felt as if my whole body was on fire. I desperately wanted to just lie down until the pain ended but I knew if I didn't burn the pieces they would reattach themselves and the monster would be back. I couldn't phase in front of the boy though.

On my God, the boy! Where is he? I found him still in the exact same spot near the cliff, poor child was frozen from what he just saw. I needed him to leave. I made my way over to him, his eyes staying locked with mine. He actually looked far more scared of me then he did of the leech. Every move caused excruciating pain that ran through my whole body, I whimpered with every step but the pain from my leg was nothing compared to the pain when I tried to breathe. Slowly but surely I made my way over to the boy, my muzzle was mere inches away from his face and his eyes had began to tear. I could see the fear screaming in them. I wanted to comfort him but I had no way of doing so, I licked him in a sad attempt to calm him but his tears would not stop. I just don't get it, I saved him he must know that but yet why is he so scared of me? Granted I'm a giant wolf that just killed a leech in front of him but still he didn't look this petrified of the vampire. I licked him again throwing my head back signaling him to leave. He didn't understand I could see the confusion all over his face. Once again I threw my head back away from the cliff telling to leave but he didn't budge. Finally I circled him and pushed his back with my head, whimpering with every step. I needed him to leave now, I had to burn the pieces and reset my bones before it was too late. Pushing him one last time, he finally understood and took off running south.

I now had to phase, I knew the pain would be even worse than before but I had to do it. I calmed myself down and screamed bloody murder from the pain of shifting. Getting the dress from my bag I threw it on, grabbing the matches in there immediately. After collecting all the pieces I set them ablaze. Satisfied that the monster was truly dead and gone now, I went to reset my bones. I knew at once I couldn't fix my ribs but I had to at least fix my arm. Grabbing ahold of my broken arm with my good one I pulled hard and fast before darkness overcame me.

I don't know how much time had passed but the next thing I knew I woke up in a strange house, on a strange couch that I did not recognize. Terror overcame me quickly and I desperately wanted to phase. I couldn't smell any danger but the fact I was in a stranger's house had me on alert. I heard the small pitter-patter of footsteps making their way towards me. I recognized the face immediately it was the little boy I had saved.

"MOM! She's up, she's up! Come quick." The little boy said staring at me strangely. As I looked at him I realized he was actually around 10 or 11. I then heard the sound of heavier footsteps coming closer and a beautiful Native American woman no doubt came into view, I then noticed she was also very pregnant. "Ian, go get your father and the men." She said simply staring me strangely just like her son. He turned and sprinted out the front door without another sound. I was immediately uncomfortable under the woman's intense stares. Then faster than I thought a pregnant woman could move I was embraced into a tight hug, if I wasn't a werewolf I would've been struggling for air but then again I slightly was due to the tenderness of my ribs. She finally broke the embrace and looked straight into my eyes. "Thank you, thank you for saving my son." she said. What the hell? How did she know it was me? I wasn't a human when I saved him. Oh crap this was bad, really really bad. Before I could respond I heard the footsteps of many large people approaching the house, at least twelve of them from the sounds of it. I suddenly feared for my life all over again, I was alone and I had no one protecting me but myself. No brothers to back me up if it turned into a fight.

"Where is she Ian?" A deep voice asked.

"She's over here Logan." The woman replied.

Then before I knew it, the most beautiful man walked into the room flanked by at least a half dozen guys. I couldn't tell how many exactly, I was too engrossed in this man's beautiful eyes. I never seen anything more enchanting, I finally understood what everyone was telling me; that it changes you forever. I felt my whole being shift, my whole reason for existing had just stepped into the room and into my life.

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_Hoped you guys liked it. Let me know what you think. _:]


	4. Chapter 4

**I'm glad you guys are enjoying the story! Special thanks to hgmsnoopy, Tigerzyi, xxxSpirit of LaPushxxx, Scented Hairpin, Inosolan, and guests for reviewing. I have a the story done just got to type it all in but if anyone has ideas I'm willing to throw them in the story if my ending allows it. Just no vampire/shapeshifter relationship besides Jacobs. Sorry! Okay here you go hopefully you enjoy it!**

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I was staring so intently at him I didn't even realize that the other men had walked more into the room surrounding me completely. I was too engrossed by this beautiful caramel-colored man in front of me, my imprint, my imprint! I imprinted, me the genetic dead end. Wait, I imprinted? Yes! Maybe I wasn't a dead end after all. NO! Wait, do not get your hopes up too high yet. I was so busy thinking to myself I didn't even hear what the man next to Logan said to me, all I wanted to hear was Logan's voice again. After a brief nudge from sometime behind me I remembered where I was and shook my head to clear to my thoughts. "I'm sorry, what was that?" I said looking around the room but never really taking my eyes off of Logan completely.

"He was saying, we would like to thank you for saving our son." The other man replied while the rest of the men in the room nodded. Our son, like he was everyone's son from the look of gratitude plastered on every single face. Except Logan, he had a look that seemed to be permanently etched on his face that I could not describe. Reluctantly tearing myself away from Logan's grey eyes, I tried my hardest to focus on the man next to him although I could feel Logan's eyes remain on me.

"Our son?" I asked, trying to figure out exactly what he meant.

"Oh yes our son, we are eternally grateful to you Miss…" Logan said.

"Leah, Leah Anne Clearwater." I replied. Why the heck did I just use my entire name? Oh crap, how did they know I saved him? I had to back pedal somehow, how the heck was I going to do that?

"Well, we are eternally grateful to you Miss Clearwater. You see Ian here is set to be one of the next chief of our tribe, his death would've been beyond devastating" Logan replied.

"I don't know why you guys think I saved him, it wasn't me. I've never even seen him before till about five minutes ago." I stammered, hoping my voice didn't give away the lie I was telling.

"We know it was you, we saw you." Logan stated calmly. What? He saw me? They saw me? I don't get it. I made sure that no one was nearby after the boy left before I phased. I made sure of it. Crap what was I going to do? They were humans I could smell that, perfect, normal humans so they weren't part of the supernatural world and they should know nothing about me or what I am. I took a better look at the men that were surrounding me and realized they were huge, they were all bigger than Sam and everyone else that was a wolf but slightly smaller than Jacob. Logan was easily the same size as Jacob. But they had to be human! There was no trace of anything else in their scents but they were huge like the rest of the pack. I just don't get it. "Leah we know it was you." Logan repeatedly since I hadn't said one word since his last statement.

"I don't know what you are talking about." I repeated back.

"Damn it we know it was you, so stop all the bullshit. We just want to know why? Why did you do it, why not just kill him when you had the chance?" The man to the side of Logan practically barked at me, he seemed to be irritated with the parrot-like conversation occurring.

"It's my job! I'm a protector!" I yelled before I could even catch myself. All the adults just stood there but Ian gasped in surprise.

"But you're a wolf? Wolves kill us and…" Ian began before Logan covered his mouth. What the heck is going on? What the hell did I just get myself into?

"What do you mean wolves kill you? What are you talking about?" I yelled.

"Well what do you mean by _you're_ a protector huh?" Logan asked calmly.

"Um…" But I couldn't continue since I already said too much.

"Yeah that's what I thought. I can't answer your questions if you don't answer ours" came Logan's quick reply. Crap, I'm screwed. They knew, I don't know how they knew but they did. I guess I did have the authority to tell them, I did and I desperately wanted to fulfill my imprint's desire but I couldn't do it. I had to fight it and I was desperately losing. I couldn't do this, I couldn't put the packs secrecy in danger simply because I imprinted. Could I? I mean all the guys did, they told their imprints and it was never a guarantee the girls would accept what they were telling them. They could run off and tell the world. I could tell Logan that I knew but what about everyone else staring at me? I wasn't suppose to tell them but I knew they already knew too much as it is. How could I avoid it? While I was contemplating this I hadn't even realized the men were having a conversation amongst themselves. "Leah, we decided we are going to have a bonfire down at the beach in about two hours. That way everything of concern can be discussed. Plus, I get the feeling that you are getting agitated with all of us surrounding you." Logan interrupted my thoughts. How did he know that? Was the agitation clear on my face?

"Okay." I said. Wait I just agreed? I agreed to tell not only my secret but my tribes deepest, darkest secret to complete strangers. I looked around and realized I didn't have a choice. The intensity in their eyes told me they would kill me if I didn't cooperate. "Do you think I could use your phone, I need to call my family they must be concerned I haven't contacted them in awhile."

"Of course. Use the phone right there." Logan replied pointing at the phone in the kitchen. Getting up and walking towards the kitchen my chest was tight and I gasped for air. "Oh yeah Leah. Natasha here had me re-break your ribs so she could set them properly. You'll be a little uncomfortable probably for the rest of the night." He continued while pointing at the pregnant woman.

"Oh okay. Um…thank you for taking care of that." I replied staring into Logan's eyes then reluctantly turning towards Natasha and saying the same thing. I proceeded towards the kitchen and started to dial my home number. Looking around, I realized all the men although talking amongst themselves were clearly going to listen to my conversation. Luckily, I got the recorded. Oh well, looks like I was about to be one-sided "Hi mom, hey Seth. It's me sorry I haven't talked to you in awhile probably had you freaking out. But don't worry everything's okay. I'll contact you guys later when I get a chance. I love you both. Bye." I said into the phone then hung up.I turned around to see the group of men facing me, watching my every move. Noticing Logan and the other man who had yelled at me were gone I began to inspect the remaining men. There were eighteen of them and were barely fitting in the room. "Hey do you guys know where Logan went? I have to ask him a questions."

"What was your question? Logan and the other guy, Shayne, left for a little bit. I was put in charge. I'm Joshua by the way." The man closest to me said while extending his hand.

Shaking his hand "Oh okay. Well Joshua, I was wondering if I could you know walk around where every the heck I am before the bonfire. I need time to think and quite frankly I'm feeling a little claustrophobic here. No offense."

"I don't think that's a good idea. One of us will go with you."

"I really just need time to myself and to think actually. I won't leave, trust me I can't get too far with bruised ribs."

"Alright but don't make me look like a fool and don't you be late coming back. You cannot be late going to the bonfire."

"I'll just head to the beach then and meet you guys there. Cool?"

"Sure, sure." He replied causing me to smile and think of Jacob. "Remember like I said don't be late." He repeated before leaving with all the men in tow following him out.

I stood there in the empty house contemplating everything that had just happened. Then I began to look around for Ian and Natasha, they seemed easy enough to talk to. I mean one of them was a child and children aren't known for their secrecy maybe I could find out a little bit more before the bonfire. Realizing that they had left the house at one point without me noticing I made my way out the front door. Looking around I would've thought I was back in La Push. The houses looked a little different but other than the similarities are remarkable. Smelling the air, I noticed nothing out of the ordinary, so I began my trek towards the beach. One of the great things about being a wolf, getting lost was kind of hard to do although presently I did not exactly where I was, I easily knew which direction the beach was in. Slowly making my way to the beach, enjoying the scenery thinking about Logan and all the feelings he brought up. Feelings I thought I would never feel. I finally understood what Jared, Paul, Jacob all of them that imprinted were talking about, when you don't think about anything else, that your imprints happiness is your never one reason for living. It was a beautiful feeling and I instantly felt that everything would turn out okay. Suddenly my blissfulness ended when the chills ran down my spine. The chills? I haven't gotten those since I first phased except these chills were different. It wasn't the cold chills but chills that felt like I was being watched, being followed. Whipping around to attack I found no one there. Looking into the woods and sniffing the air I still pulled up blank. I looked all over but saw absolutely nothing and no one. Sniffing the air one last time I only smelled the saltiness associated with the beach. Despite not smelling anything I couldn't shake the feeling that I was being followed, maybe it was this whole imprinting thing throwing me off whack. I don't know but I didn't like this feeling of being followed, I didn't like it at all.


End file.
